Dear Monday- You stink…. like literally stink. Going to Beaumont, TX where the rubber plants are smelly-icious. Yes, this is the house that built me. In case you’re curious, that’s the name of a Miranda Lambert song.
Dear Miranda Lambert- I can’t wait to see you on Friday. Please bring the Pistol Annies and Blake with you. If you can only bring one, then of course bring the Annies! The puppies say thanks for hosting a stellar charity event in honor of them.
Dear New House- I am so very excited you are now ours. Hopefully you appreciate the paint we bought for you. You need a little tan. (in my ghetto voice) ” Oh you gonna look so Jersey Shore ready after this week.” Ha! Just kidding. We only want you to be light tan.
Dear MyFitnessPal app- I love logging my calories because of you. You are convenient and easy to use. I just wish you told me I could have more calories. Somehow you gave the bf over 3000 calories, but I only get 1500 calories. I am so jealous he gets to inhale food.
Dear Inner Obese Me- I appreciate you, but I am also ashamed of you all at the same time. Getting the bf to eat chocolate and then kiss me was genius! I could taste the yummy-ness while he assumed responsibility for all of the calories. Yes, shameful but pretty darn smart. I dare any of you readers to tell me this isn’t slightly clever.
Dear Tree House Bar- We are going to become permanent Friday night buddies. Cheap drinks, karaoke and some crazy people watching? I’m in!
Dear My BF the Pseudo Bartender- You have a special ability to make cocktails that are amazingly delicious. I think they deserve the label “drop your panties.” You better not be making these drinks for anyone but me!
Dear Friday- Your gun’s big, but my gun’s bigger…..