Dear Houston- It’s amazing that I can be 15 minutes late when I leave over an hour early to make it to my first meeting. I hate you 610 loop, and I hate you, horrible I-45 drivers.
Dear Wedding Hall- You must be trying to drum up business by cold calling people. You nearly gave the bf a heart attack when you called him. He thought I signed us up to be contacted. No more cold calls please or else I will have to rush the bf to the hospital.
Dear The Voice- Let’s see how your audition process measures up to American Idol. Hopefully it is ten times better. I am thinking “Stay” by Sugarland for the acapella round. Thoughts?
Dear Neighbors Across the Street- I get it. You like cars. We do too, but unlike you, we park our cars in our driveway. It seems that even though you have a garage AND a drive way, you choose to park every car you own on the street, blocking everyone’s ability to drive comfortably through the neighborhood. How does that make any sense?
Dear Online Shopping- Once again, we have been reunited. Oh how I missed you. It’s like a surprise everyday when we spend hours together. How did I ever think we were going to be able to break it off completely?
Dear Mosquitos- Don’t you know I am allergic to you? I swell up like a monster when you attack me. 15 bites today…. Remember My Girl when McCauly Culkin gets stung by bees? That was me today but with skeeters. Well if you are going to bite me, can you stay away from my inner thigh? It really just does not look right when I am scratching my upper inner thigh in public. At least spare me that.
Dear Friday- I’m busy. You’re busy. So have your people call my people, and we will get something worked out.