Quisine and Quirks

Dear Monday- You are the first official Monday of 2013. Yippee! Today was quite the productive Monday. That seems to be the theme of 2013. That week off of work sure did put me right back in the saddle for work. Not to mention, I have become extremely motivated to clean and organize. OMG, who am I?!

Dear WordPress Software- Why do you keep turning my freaking font blue? Every time I hit backspace, you turn blue. Is this funny to you because it sure is not to me!

Dear BAMA- You are definitely showing those Fighting Irish that they throw bows like girls. (no offense girls…) Seriously, I throw more dangerous bows than those pansy Notre Dame players. Just don’t drop your championship trophy this year ok?

Dear Rachel vs. Guy- I caught the last two episodes of the first season yesterday. Coolio vs. Lou Diamond Phillips? Coolio was cracking me up! I mistakenly thought the crazy dreads coming out of his fedora were feathers. In the words of Coolio “SchockaZAM!” I am so using that in a business meeting this week. I wonder how my VP of Sales will react when I yell out “SchockaZAM!”  Shenanigans!

Dear Honey Boo Boo- You never let me down. Your Honey Boo Boo Halloween sure did hit the spot for a good laugh. Even better, I looked up #HoneyBooBoo on Twitter. There was a picture of June. The caption read “She has a boyfriend and you’re still single. Let that sink in for a minute.” SNAP!

Dear Johnny Football- Shouldn’t you know better than to get caught drinking on camera? You need to check yourself because the rules still apply to you.

Dear Kris and Bruce Jenner- Just get divorced already. Nobody cares about your millions at risk or that you participate in cross dressing. Your family is a hot mess so I think cross dressing is not much of a shock.

Dear Fellow Big Booty Judy Sisters- If you cannot zip your dress up while it is on you, do not attempt to zip it up off your body and then attempt to pull it over your head and down your body. (Yes I know that is a long run on sentence. Forgive me) This is extremely true advice if you think you can do it with a sequin dress. It will not work. You will get stuck right about the shoulders, unable to see out of your dress because your arms are flapping like chicken wings out of the top.Trust me. I speak from experience. It was called NYE 2013.

Dear OJ Brigance- Your story is amazing. It is downright inspirational. Hats off to you for keeping the faith and a positive perspective despite the challenges you continue to face. 

Dear Friday- Happy 2013. It’s going to be an amazing year. I can just feel it in my bones. Happy happy New Year! It’s a come back kind of year. As said by one of the greatest come backs of all time, “It’s Britney bitch!”

Dear Monday- Thank goodness you are over. It has been a long uneventful eventful day. Yes, I know what I said. It was a day full of things to do but without any definitive outcome. I guess that is what Mondays truly are though.

Dear Ginger- It was very nice to meet you and your 9 month old, Curtis, on the plane. You definitely made the flight memorable. I’ve never had anyone breast feed their baby on a plane right next to me. Talk about a first time for everything.

Dear Other Man On The Plane- Were you hungry or just hoarding for a potential long winter? I know I didn’t eat my Southwest crackers, but I was thoroughly surprised when you asked me “Are you going to eat those?” Nom Nom I guess?

Dear Wanna Be Rockstars- We may be colleagues, and we may be vying for the same position. However I won’t be making any friends, only taking prisoners. That’s right. Watch yourself.

Dear Bed- I will miss sleeping in you this week. I will be waiting to snuggle up in you on Thursday night.

Dear Friday- You will be just as busy as Monday but hopefully there will be some good news in the works. That would make this week worthwhile. See you soon.

Dear Monday- Here you are again. Even though I keep setting you free, you keep coming back. Maybe we are meant to be?

Dear Christmas Shopping- Finit! (That’s French for finished). That’s right. Who’s jealous? Here’s the cherry on top: I wrapped all of the ones that have arrived. Productive Polly here.

Dear Will and Kate- Congrats on the baby!!!! Oh Harry, you are never going to be king. 

Dear Christmas Decorations- I am a little overwhelmed. I don’t know where to put everything. Our home did throw up Christmas, but in a very unpretty kind of way. Cue TLC…”so damn unpretty…”

Dear Jackson- Because of you, I have to put all of our Christmas trees in the living room. If you could find it in yourself to refrain from eating our trees, perhaps I wouldn’t be sitting in a forest as I watch American Dad.

Dear Bowl Games- What a crazy year! Who thought Notre Dame would be playing for the championship? Better yet, when did anyone ever see a Sooner cheering for the Longhorns? It’s official. Hell has frozen over.

Dear Friday- I am keeping this memo short. Maybe that will inspire you Hint..hint…

Dear Monday- I have been soooo productive today. I put out the mulch in our yard. I cleaned out the garage. Are you growing on me? I highly doubt it, but only time will tell. Let’s see how I feel next week.

Dear Thanksgiving- I cannot wait for you. I love eating turkey and watching football. What is better than that? 

Dear Thanksgiving Menu- I know, I know…. we haven’t changed you up in awhile, but why mess with tradition? Back for a second year in a row will be my sausage cornbread stuffing. Daddy loved it last year so onto year number two. Other than that, the same cast will be joining our turkey starlet. Corn, green beans, mashed taters, pumpkin cheesecake…..

Dear On Call Sales Reps- I don’t know how you do it. After almost a 24 hour “shift,” I know I never want to be on call in the medical world. It makes you delirious and beyond zombie-like.

Dear Black Friday- I don’t know what to do this year… there are not too many things I am looking for. Plus, I am wondering if I even have the tenacity required to elbow grannies. I am nearing 29 after all. A broken bone at that age can be detrimental…

Dear My Birthday- Why do you bring jiggles each year? Last year you brought jiggles for my arms… this year, it looks like my tummy is getting them. You know, you could just show up and not bring anything. I am cool with that. Keep the jiggles for my sixties.

Dear 29- You win. I am now blinder than before. I am harder of hearing. I am more forgetful. I am easily winded. I’ve got freckles all over my arms and some on my face. What is this? A plague to remind me I am far from invincible? You win! You win!

Dear Friday- No hurry. I’m off for the week, so take your time. See you later than sooner.

Dear Monday- You don’t really bring too many good things, but during football season, you’re not so bad. Now make me some football watching munchies!

Dear Pumpkin Patch- I love you. You always bring so much cheer to everyone that visits. I especially love the pallets of orange scattered across the horizon. What else screams fall more than a pumpkin patch of joy?

Dear Crock Pot- It’s finally feeling like fall. That means you will be called to duty quite a bit in the next couple of months. To get you warmed up, we will start with something simple tonight. A nice and easy chicken and dumplings. MMMM….yummy

Dear Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie- I can’t wait to make you tonight. You are going to be a welcome finish to our pumpkin carving fest. Oreo crust? Yes please.

Dear Work- I hate you. The end.

Dear Louisiana- Can I get a little break? I am tired of seeing your swamplands…

Dear New Outlet Mall- I am very surprised I have yet come to check out your splendor. You are so close, but so far at the same time. Maybe next time instead of being 15 min away, they will make you 5 min away. By then, I will only want you to be 2 min away. Demanding? Yes. Unreasonable? Never.

Dear Sunday Coupons- You are not living up to my expectations. Where are all of the good coupons? How many more Gillette coupons can a person have? I’m not that hairy.

Dear Halloween- I am very excited to hand out candy to the kiddies. It’s our first Halloween in our new home. Hopefully we will get many ghouls and goblins asking for candy.

Dear Friday- I will take some weekend college football over Monday night football any day. You don’t even need to bring munchies. Just get here as fast as you can. Channel your inner Speedy Gonzales if you can. Gracias.